Priorities Backslide

What happened to the guiding principles in my life? 我的基本原則怎麼了？

I have been struggling with lack of funds and lack of clarity in how to resolve this problem. It has hijacked my thought process. I spend my time on silly ideas that can be monetized. I spend time polishing my programming skills so as to become employable. I no longer stay up late thinking and taking down notes; I no longer pull up those unplanned trips, spend a long time in isolated natural spots or reach out to strangers doing interesting things. I don't remember the last time I pushed myself physically to the limit [1]. I haven't climbed a mountain in more than a year (most of it due to bad weather). I work out regularly but it's nowhere as intense as what I used to do a couple of years ago [2].

我最近遭遇資金缺乏的困境了，不清楚怎麼解決這個困擾我的心靈的問題。我百花時間想可賺錢的計畫。我花時間磨練我的編程技能。好久沒有熬夜沈思，做筆記；好久沒有隨時出發，住在個幽靜大自然或是跟另類生活方式的人聯絡；好久沒有挑戰體力極限 [1]。已經一年多我沒有爬過什麼山了「主要是因為天氣太糟糕」。我最近運動可是他並沒有以前的強度[2]。

I want to 

- spend more time close to nature, 

- trim and optimize my belongings, 

- indulge in more art, and 

- explore urban spaces further

我想要
－多花時間在大自然裡
－優選我的所有物
－多沈迷於藝術和
－多探索城市空間

I want to spend time thinking about transportation systems, ways to enrich a minimalist way of life, and learn newer forms of art the joy of which can be shared with people easily [3]. Sharing happiness is in itself a happiness.

我較喜歡考慮另類交通方式，充實簡約生活，學可分享的藝術方式 [3]。畢竟分享快樂也就是一種快樂。 

I want to use my programming skills to utilize collective intelligence for a more efficient and economical lifestyle. 

But that takes time, effort and money. Money is something I don't have. I am still fighting off the urge to pick a programming job here which seems to be the easiest and worst option. Freelance projects maybe?

我想要藉由編程利用集體智慧為高校的生活方式。不過這件事需要時間與我並沒有的錢。我還是不想做個編程工作；這是最容易而最爛的計畫。自由職業呢？

I spent the last month blowing a lot of money to regain my health. I spent most of this month planning how to make myself stay in Taiwan and have a sustainable lifestyle. Other than a stronger grip on Mandarin and better programming skills, I haven't gained a lot this year. My confidence is weakening. 

The madness of living a life in extremes used to be something elemental about my personality. It seems a distant memory now.

上個月我因生病而花了不少錢。這個月我還是很努力待在台灣在找個可持續的生活方式。除了比較好的中文與比較好的編成技能，我沒有得到什麼特別的成就。極端生活的瘋狂本來是我個性的不可分的元素，目前他是一個遙遠的記憶。

[1]: I did spend two nights sleepless, more or less walking incessantly, but it was more of an upshot of an unplanned trip gone haywire. I ended up getting sick and spent a lot of money on treatment.

[2]: However, I feel I have a better control on my body and my core has never been stronger. I have almost stopped running and have been experimenting with street workout. I have got good company. I have begun to appreciate the value of static posture - an underlying element in yoga, gymnastics and martial arts. 

[3]: I consider fitness, specifically novel ways of motion, an art. But that's something the joy of which can't be shared with people around. The joy of a singer, dancer, magician or a musician performing in an open space can be shared among spectators.